how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize