i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
