You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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