Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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