exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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