I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
