Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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