so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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