Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
