Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
