i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize