The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Randomize
