I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
