dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
