DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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