i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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