I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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