I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
