She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
