she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
