question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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