Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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