She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
