mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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