So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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