Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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