I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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