how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
