but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
