I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
