I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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