I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
