Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
