I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
