you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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