I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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