I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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