I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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