I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
