Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
