Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
