Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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