And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
