I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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