I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
