I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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