this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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