he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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