I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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