Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
