FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
