he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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