When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
