You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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