He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
