i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
