I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
