There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
