you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
