R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
another moral hangover. fuck.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
