My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
