just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
