Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I supernannyed him into submission
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