lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
