It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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