dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
