Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
